I’m Gone Take a Break.

One thing about me is that I’m gone take a break. From social media that it. It becomes easier each time because it feels necessary now. Since creating my current (Instagram) page and committing to start posting at the beginning of 2023 it has felt different than any other page I’ve been behind thus far. It probably looks like a bunch of post to some, but if you’ve followed me before and actually read the captions than you can see the difference. I would’ve never posted let alone said some of what I do now before. 

My breaks have ranged between a good three to four days and often times they’ll reach the full seven-day week. In those times I may or may not interact – as in comment and follow other pages – but I do try to keep posting in my stories. It’s not that I don’t have anything to post I just feel like the wait is necessary for me. I’ve grown tired of feeling this pressure to post so much especially on those days where I’m rushing to literally make something out of nothing. I don’t want to post if it doesn’t come naturally and if what I’m posting doesn’t look, let alone feel, natural. If it’s not believable to me then I know y’all not falling for it and that’s why I take my time now. Plus being a faceless creative has its difficulties so that’s another reason. There’s no faces so many may not be interested and I want to show that there’s no need for one.

I recently posted a reel of my body in its current form. Does that even sound right? Chile, I don’t know but it will today. I needed some time after that because I shared something that I never have before and didn’t hesitate. I needed to sit with my reasoning because I was and still am really proud of myself for that. I plan to continue doing things like that. My purpose was to show love to where I’m at now because I’ve been struggling with losing weight since having my last child. But to also be honest with what I’ve been feeling about my body after having three kids. I’ve been stuck at the exact same weight, and she’ll be two this year. I know, crazy right? But it’s not when you know that stress can be what makes your body retain any and everything that you more than likely can’t stand about yourself. I’m no expert but I’m not that wrong. 

I want to open up more on things that I second-guess like what I recently shared. I am slowly but surely reaching this place where I don’t want to hold back. Mentally, physically, and emotionally I am struggling however it’s not as bad as it was. I’m seeing things differently now plus I have new glasses so that helps to actually be able to see. That was a lil jokey joke. Did you catch it? Was it funny? No? Shut up Khy? Okay back to the blog post. In all seriousness though I am seeing things differently, I’m more accepting to what’s in front of me now, I’ve been correcting things in my current relationships so that I don’t repeat the same cycles from old ones. I’ve even been letting some things be when I would normally speak on them because I see now why it’s not worth the stress. I’ve been working on change while reminding myself that it’s not going to happen overnight. 

I’ve been sinking my feet into where I am now because that’s been my issue. I’ve always wanted something that I knew I couldn’t have at that very moment. I stress myself out and it’s not because it’s impossible [to get] it’s just not going to happen right then and there. Whether it’s the house being clean or my kids finally sleeping because they did not sleep two nights in a row or me not getting a post or blog post up like I want or how a person is treating me or what I did that day for me. It’s like I’ve been floating through life, so everything feels drastic when I simply need to be still, accept, plan then execute change. 

I don’t want nor need anything else in my life to feel like I have to do it. That’s why I have the approach that I do now with social media. I plan to apply this to my day-to-day home life as well, but that’s a whole other work in progress. I can’t say that I “want to keep it fun” because that’s not my reality. I’m exhausted, overworked because I literally do everything in our home, unorganized but organized to an extinct and I’m trying to deal with my own personal troubles in the midst of controlling my depression and raising my kids. I hope that people enjoy my content and are trying to know and understand me with the boundary I’ve set of leaving faces out of it. I hope that stay-at-home moms and those dealing with depression feel that they’re not alone through what I share. I’ve been saying for too long that I don’t want what I share to be negative or depressing but if it is then it is. I’m sharing my life through my eyes not the eyes of what I wish was for the likes of others. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: