Oh man! 2022 is coming to an end and 2023 will soon begin. There were so many things I planned to do before this very day. I really did but I’m proud of myself for not freaking out about them not being done. That panic when things aren’t done is definitely something I want to leave in this year. I’m not going to lie and tell you I planned this blog post because I wasn’t going to write a thing. Yet, today, it just feels like I need to give my last words on the year 2022. So, I’m going to make sure I say all I need to. No matter how all over the place it is.
This year was hard but I don’t remember much of it. So, I can’t say it was the entire year. I’ve stopped so many things and didn’t even notice until a few months ago. I pep talked myself so much this year that I started to not hear anybody else. I don’t know if it was the pep talks or me finally saying that I want to let God in or both, but something did it. Although there are things I didn’t deal with how I wanted to, I still did something. And I feel at peace with how I’m closing 2022.
Some eye-openers for me [in 2022] were that I gave an apology – that I actually gave years ago too but it didn’t feel right to me – that I was told wasn’t necessary. Their whole thing was you never know what someone is going through so they didn’t take the incident personal. That didn’t matter to me though because I felt I needed to do it. I appreciated their view on it however with who I am I can’t not do something that’s on my heart. I accepted that my experience of sexual assault was never dealt with properly and at all honestly. And while I want to make sure that others stay safe and know that they’re not alone. I really don’t want to keep revisiting my experience. I finally accepted that most of the people in my life have only been in it because I kept finding room for them and I really needed to stop. When I did the true nature of those relationships became really real, real fast. And lately, I’ve noticed that I don’t vent as much and I don’t get upset as easily. Well, at least I’m not outright getting upset to the point where I feel a need to phone somebody every single time, but I definitely feel it at my core. Of course, there’s been more but that’s what comes to mind right now.
I feel strongly that things are going to get better for me. Physically, financially, creatively, mentally, all of that and then some. I’m not sure where this burst of confidence came from, but it’s been with me for a few weeks now and I don’t want to question it too much because I don’t want to lose it. I know that when things get rough it doesn’t feel like they’ll get better and I hope that I can revert back to this post if I ever feel that way. I have high hopes for myself. I want to say that I’m betting on myself. And maybe that’s because what I want from and for myself isn’t unrealistic – even though I’ve been acting like it is the last 365 days. I just feel strongly that my time is coming and I’m ready to see what that looks like.
I stopped going to therapy because I felt like I needed to. I do plan on going back someday but not anytime soon. I want to start meditating and journaling again because when I do, they help. I’m simply not consistent enough for the lasting result so I want to change that. I want to go back to eating in more and actually buckle down on eating three times a day and not eating after a certain hour. It’s not just about getting the body I want anymore. It’s about eating better and not eating just because I thought about some food that’s in the refrigerator. I want to snack healthier so that I don’t feel a need to eat an entire meal every time I’m about to lay down. It’s not necessary and I know that but I haven’t had the willpower to stop myself yet.
I know this has been all over the place but I think that’s all really. I’m hoping and praying for the best for all of us in the new year and beyond. I hope and pray for growth, understanding, stability, good health and mental.
P.S. I want to give a special thank you to each and every one of you that has supported me in any way. Whether it was reading, commenting and/or sharing my blog post. Or purchasing from my business or following and engaging with me on other platforms. Thank you.