I wanted to write a post for January 1, 2021 but I chose not to. I’m a person who needs to wrap my head around the fact that things are real. Great example, I’m still thinking it’s December of 2020 even though I know I said “Happy New Year” a million times already. I also wanted to be sure and realistic about what I expect from myself before I put it out there for the world to see/hear. I haven’t done anything since the first, but I plan to begin my changes the first week of 2021.
I intend to change as much as I possibly can while remembering that I am still one person who can only do so much. In other words, I’m going to try my best to not be so hard on myself. Now, I know I said I haven’t done anything since the year began but I lied. I’ve actually upgraded the packaging for my small business. They were small changes that made a big difference to me and I’m so happy about them. Other than that, I really haven’t done anything, so I want to share with you things I intend to do starting this year and moving forward.
1. I intend to make my bed every morning
This is something I am not even close to consistent with, yet I always remember how it makes me feel when I do it.
If only I’d do it more often, I could stop imagining the damn feeling. To be someone who cleans so much I always neglect my bed, but I have to stop. I want it to be part of my morning routine so that it’s something else I can smile about in the morning.
2. I intend to be realistic about my schedule
If you’ve read some of my previous blog post then you know that I am full-time, stay-at-home mom. The thing with being such is people think I have an infinite amount of time on my hands which I DO NOT. Being realistic about my schedule is another way to say, “I need to make a schedule”. I need to carve out legit time for my life outside of motherhood – my business, my book club, my IG, etc – because I’m always doing things last minute. I feel there’s not enough time in a day for me, so I need to figure something out ASAP.
3. I intend to stop trying to fix everything
I have this tendency to over apologize to people because my conscience doesn’t allow me to be a shitty person whether the person owns their part or not. However, I seriously, so badly want and need to stop doing this. If we stop talking then we just stop and at this point in my life there is no coming back. There are way too many people in my life that I feel things could be different with while there are some who are no longer in my life that I feel for because things didn’t have to end the way that they did. But when things don’t change for years or happened years ago and we still can’t talk about what YOU did, I have to remove you from my life. There’s a reason I’m always feeling a need to fix shit I didn’t even break while everybody else sits back playing victim and telling me that what I feel isn’t “that deep” or my favorite excuse after someone does wrong and won’t own their wrong, “But you know how I am” *rolls eyes*. I need to learn to leave things exactly where people want them to be. I no longer have the time nor energy.
4. I intend to stop pressuring myself to post everywhere
I’ve said this before whether it be IG, my blog, my business page or anywhere else, I do not want to keep forcing content. I end up unsatisfied and taking more time to publish the work than I would have if I put actual thought into it. I’m either going to take my time and post and publish what I’m satisfied with or I won’t post at all. I’ve never had the intention to publish blog post every single day, but I did intend to post on Instagram every single day. Now, I’m breaking that habit as well.
5. I intend to write it out
Although I write personally and for my blog, I’m talking about writing things out to see how and if I can change those feelings later. Basically, I want to see how many times I allowed myself to go through something before I change(d) it and if I didn’t, I need to work on changing it.
6. I intend to give myself time off
I’m determined to do so much that I often forget that it’s okay to take a step back from E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. My children have their dad who’s fully capable of caring for them. My Instagram, blog, book club, small business and every other platform has followers that will stay or go regardless of how much I post. Life will go on whether I’m active or not and I really have to keep feeding to myself that it’s okay to rest because it is.
These are just a few things I intend to do this year and moving forward. Like I said in the beginning I want to be sure and realistic about what I expect from myself before I put it out there for the world to see/hear. I believe that with where I am in life, I don’t have time to keep saying things and not doing them anymore. Definitely easier said than done but I’m a work in progress and I’m willing to do the work. I actually began feeling this way around October of 2020 when I found the courage to cut someone off who I feel wasn’t treating me the way they claimed to have felt about me. It had been weighing on me for years and I don’t know if it was a literal breaking point or the fact that I felt so alone in what I was going through. But whatever it was it gave me the strength and courage to do what I felt was best for me and I haven’t looked back since.
I stopped making New Year’s resolutions years ago because they felt like too much pressure on my life. They always sound good when they’re said out loud, but that’s as far as they go. I feel like making New Year’s resolutions is the same as saying, “New Year, new me” and I know I’d be lying if I said that every year. I see resolutions and intentions as two totally different things for the simple fact that intentions are like conscience decisions while resolutions are like saying there’s a problem in my life. Even if you look it up – intentions vs resolution – that’s pretty much what it says. I started with these 6 intentions because I don’t want to pile too much on myself at once. It’s really not necessary. 2021 even started out in a way I didn’t expect, but I’m really happy about it. I might even share with you guys in a later post.
This year is all about holding myself accountable while still finding time for myself. Doing the work but also taking the naps. I don’t plan to make this hard and I damn sure don’t plan on allowing anyone else to make it hard for me.